


The Teen Titans Play The Muppet Show

by Dragonbat



Category: Teen Titans (Comics), The Muppet Show
Genre: Comedy, Corpse Desecration, Crossover, Gen, Musical References, musical numbers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-19
Updated: 2011-08-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 20:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1035979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonbat/pseuds/Dragonbat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Wolfman-Perez Teen Titans guest star on The Muppet Show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Teaser

**Teaser: Backstage**

Most guest stars didn't show up until there were less than sixty minutes to curtain time. It generally took them that long to realize that their contract didn't contain any escape clauses. So, with more than four hours to go, Scooter was happily bopping away to _Bob's Favorite Street Songs_ as he reviewed a prop list.

"Ok, flash-bang grenades... check. Cone of silence arrows, check. Boy, Statler and Waldorf aren't gonna like those! _Oh, a salesman in a person in my neighborhood... in my neighborhood..._ Um, where was I? Right. Rodeo costumes, check..." He looked straight ahead as though he were speaking to a studio audience. "Boy, I wish I knew who tonight's guest stars are going to be. For some reason, they're keeping it secret." He shrugged. "I just hope they know they're supposed to tip the gofer." He went back to his list.

"Um... excuse me?"

_"Yes, a salesman is a person in my neighborhood..."_

"Excuse me?"

Oblivious, Scooter danced on... until he nearly bumped into a young man wearing what, at first glance, appeared to be a disco suit with a high Elvis collar. The young man reached down and gently plucked the headphones off the young muppet's head. "Excuse me," he said again. "We're here for tonight's show. Where do we sign in?"

Scooter's jaw dropped. "Hey," he exclaimed. "I know you! You're..." Something caught his peripheral vision and he spun to see a red-haired man, holding a bow in one hand. Next, he noted the woman in the black bodysuit with twinkling stars and a lasso at her hip, who stood next to a taller woman with golden skin, green eyes and masses of flame-red hair. Then, there was the green-skinned boy—Scooter had never seen a non-muppet with that coloring—the woman in the hooded blue robe, and... someone who looked like he should have been on the show that night when the cast of Star Wars had (literally!) crashed the show.

"You're..."

"Yeah," Nightwing said, grinning. "We are. I know we're a little early, but I need a little time to inspect the rigging."

"And check for booby traps," Cyborg added.

"And check out the chicks," Roy grinned.

"Hey!" A hoarse voice protested. Roy looked down to see a purple bird in a burgundy tuxedo, running forward, arms akimbo. Clustered behind him were about a dozen white hens, clucking madly. "Don't get any ideas, Mister! They're taken!

**IT'S THE MUPPET SHOW, WITH OUR VERY SPECIAL GUEST STARS...**

**THE** _**TEEN** _ **TITANS!**


	2. Opening Number: T-E-A-M

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're a good dog, Rowlfie Boy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: T-E-A-M written by Clark Gesner. From You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown (1967)

**Opening Number: T-E-A-M**

Kermit flies onstage, as though thrown by an angry woman who had just had her number cut. He lies in a tangled heap for a moment. Then, he gets to his feet, brushes himself off, and clutches the mike.

"Thank you, thank you, hi ho, and WELCOME TO THE MUPPET SHOW!"

(Applause)

"TONIGHT, our very special guest stars are the Teen Titans!"

(Louder applause)

"But first, our opening number. Now, we all know that the Teen Titans are one of the greatest teams around! But they are not the only team. So without further ado, we bring you, _Bobby Benson and his Baby Band!"_

(Thunderous applause)

The curtain opens on Bobby Benson. The Babies are all in baseball uniforms.

"Gimme a T!" Bobby shouts.

"Teee!" The Babies chorus.

"Gimme an E!"

"Eeeee!"

"Gimme an A!"

"Aaaaay!"

"Gimme an M!"

"Emmmmm!"

"What's that spell?"

Utter silence. The babies look at each other in confusion.

Bobby waits for a few seconds before he bellows "TEEEEEAAAAAM!"

"Ohhhh!" The babies immediately pick up their instruments.

_There is no team like the best team_

_Which is our team right here._

_We will show you we're the best team_

_Of the Very Little League this year_

_And in no time We'll be big time_

_With the Big League baseball stars._

_For all we have to do is win just one more game_

_And the championship is ours._

[ROWLF trudges slowly onstage entering from downstage left. He is wearing a similar uniform and carrying a bat and glove.]

_Dear Pen pal..._

_You'll never guess what happened today_

_At the baseball game._

_It's hard to believe, what happened today_

_At the baseball game._

_I was the manager, Scooter was catcher_

[SCOOTER comes out from downstage right in a catcher's mask and padding. He mugs for the audience. ROWLF continues to sing.]  
 _  
_

_And all of the team was the same as always_

_But somehow or other disaster struck_

_At the baseball game._

_Three balls, two strikes,_

_The bases were loaded with two men out_

_I pitched my curve, but somehow they hit it_

_A good strong clout_

_'Piggy' I hollered, 'It's coming right to you'-_

_She caught it as easy as pie- then dropped it._

_I don't think it's good for a team's morale_

_To see their manager cry._

_An'mal helped out by biting the runner_

_And catching the ball in his teeth;_

(ANIMAL runs by, ball in mouth. He faces the audience, spits the ball into his hand, and yells, "TEETH! TEETH! Hahahahaha!")

_Fozzie caught flies from a third-story window_

_By holding his derby beneath._

_Yes, we had fortitude,_

_no one could argue with that._

_And one run would win us the game_

_As I came up to bat._

[PIGGY]

All right, Rowlfie, we're all behind you—sort of.

I mean this man can't pitch. He pitches like my grandmother,

Rowlf? Rowlf! Now all you have to is bear down, just bear

down—and when you get on first, watch for my signals.

[BABIES and OTHER MUPPETS except ROWLF]

_There is no team_

_Like the best team_

_Which is our team_

_Right here_

_We will show you_

_We're the best team_

_In the Very Little League this year_

_And in no time we'll be big time_

_With the Big League baseball stars_

_For all we have to do is_

_Win just one more game..._

[PIGGY]

...And the championship is ours!

[ROWLF]

_Two men were on with two outs and me_

With one strike to go

_Then I saw her—this cute little_

_Red-headed girl I know_

[Red-haired Muppet girl-dog with long eyelashes in gingham dress is lowered on a swing]

_Firmly I vowed I would win it for her_

_And I shouldered my bat and I swung..._

[OTHERS]

_Oh!_

[ROWLF]

_Dear pen pal, I'm told where you live_

_Is really quite far_

_Would you please send directions_

_On how I can get where you are?_

_Your friend, Rowlf the dog..._

CURTAIN

Backstage, the Teen Titans mingle with the muppets returning from out front. Troia is cooing over two of the babies, while the other four cluster around her ankles.

Nightwing is shaking Rolf's paw. when he sees Scooter run by. "Excuse me," he apologizes. "Great number, Rolf. Hey, Scooter?"

Scooter runs back. "Yes, Nightwing?"

"Have you got the trapeze set up for my number yet?"

Scooter gulps. "Um... trapeze?"

"Yes..."

"Um... see... um... Nightwing, when you said you were a 'flyer', I guess I kinda thought... um... I better talk to Kermit. See ya!"

And he scoots off.


	3. You're Awful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy and Donna's musical number

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You're Awful" Music by Leonard Bernstein and Roger Edens. Lyrics by Betty Comden and Adolph Green. From On The Town (MGM, 1949).

**"You're Awful" (Roy and Donna)**

Kermit comes back out on stage against the backdrop of the red velvet curtain. "Thank you, thank you! Let us have one more round of applause for Bobby Benson's Baby Band!"

The audience cheers.

"And now, it's time to introduce two of our guest stars! Please welcome Arsenal and Troia as they tell each other what they really think of one another!

Applause and the curtain opens. Roy and Donna are standing against a drugstore soda counter, upstage right. There are other tables and chairs upstage center and stage left, where Muppet Couples sit, leaving a large dance floor between the tables.

Roy places a hand on Donna's arm, smiles at her and sings:

_"You're awful!"_

Donna jerks her head up with a hurt expression, as Roy continues, smiling:

_Awful good to look at,_

_Awful nice to be with,_

_Awful sweet to have and hold..._

Donna grins and leans in closer. Roy continues:

_"You're nothing!"_

Donna frowns. Roy goes on:

_"Nothing if not lovely,_

_Nothing if not dazzling,_

_Nothing but pure gold!"_

Donna giggles. This time, when Roy sings:

_"You're frightening!"_

She keeps smiling.

_"Frightening when you say that you might go away;_

_You're boring_

_Boring into my heart to stay..."_

He leads her out to the dance floor, and they waltz as Roy keeps singing:

_"You're cheap, dear,_

_Cheap at any price dear,_

_Cheap for such a diamond,_

_Cheap for such a pearl._

_What I said before I'll say again:_

_You're awful_

_Awful nice to be my girl."_

Donna laughs. Then she let Roy spin her about, taps him on the shoulder, and sings:

_"You're old, dear."_

Roy blinks at her. "What?"

Donna grins.

_"Old with worldly wisdom._

_Old like Gorgonzola,_

_Old like vintage France champagne,_

_You're so-so..."_

Roy tilts his head. "Huh?"

Donna giggles.

_"So-so kinda charming,_

_So-so kind of witty,_

_So I can't explain!"_

The Muppet Couples are dancing in the background, as Roy spins Donna out and twirls her back in, singing:

_"Can't stand you,_

_I can't stand you to give some fellow the eye;_

_Can't see you_

_In the arms of another guy..."_

Donna grins and takes the next verse:

_"Who needs you?_

_Needs you to distraction?_

_Needs you 'til she's crazy?_

_Needs you rain or shine?"_

Roy smiles back and joins Donna for the next line:

_"I'm the one who needs you and I think you're awful..."_

The Muppet Couples chime in:

_"AWFUL NICE TO SAY YOU'RE MINE!"_

CURTAIN


	4. Backstage Interlude I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the number

Backstage, Nightwing finally caught a glimpse of Kermit. "Hey..."

"Oh, hi, Nightwing. Just give me one minute, here." He watched as Beast Boy vaulted onto an operating table and lay down. Two stagehands covered him completely with a blanket and started to wheel the table onto the set.

"Kermit, about my trapeze act..."

Kermit seemed to deflate slightly. "Yeah, see, when you told us you were a-"

"Flyer, I know. Scooter told me. But that's just circus talk for an aerialist. I don't actually fly."

"Well, don't you have grappling equipment?"

"Sure," Nightwing said. "That lets me make an entrance, but I can't do my whole act from a grapnel. Anyway, there's a weight distribution issue. The line can't handle more than one performer, and since I couldn't help overhearing what you told Miss Piggy about her number being cut... I was thinking about maybe asking her to go on with me."

Kermit perked up. "Wow. You would do that?"

"If it'll keep people happy and help things to run smoothly, why not?" He grinned. "You can't have a good show with a miserable cast."

"Gee," Kermit said. "Thanks." Then in a completely different tone of voice, "Scooter! Get Rolf, Jan and Piggy onstage for the next act. And find a trapeze!"


	5. Veterinarian's Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time now for Veterinarian's Hospital. The continuing storrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry...

_Time now for Veterinarian's Hospital: the continuing stoooooooooooooory of a quack, who's gone to the dogs._

Dr. Bob entered the emergency room calling, "Nurse! Where's my next patient?"

Nurse Jan pointed to the operating table. "Why, Dr. Bob! The patient is right in front of you. Can you not see him?"

Dr. Bob tilted his head at her. "Well, I _could_ not see him... but then it wouldn't be fair for me to send him the bill later!"

He and Jan shared a laugh. Nurse Piggy joined in.

"So, Nurse Piggy, what's wrong with the patient?"

"Well, Doctor, it doesn't seem too serious. He's just a little hoarse."

"A little hoarse, eh? Hmm, why don't we just have a look..." He pulled back the blanket to reveal a green Shetland pony. He shrugged. "Well, he's a little horse, all right. What is he doing on my operating table?"

The pony opened his eyes. "Praying for a new doctor."

Jan and Piggy burst into laughter. Dr. Bob looked downcast. All at once, he brightened. "Well then, today's your lucky day! I am a new doctor! I just started practicing last week!"

The pony twitched. "Can I come back when you start getting it right?"

Piggy and Jan giggled.

Dr. Bob glowered. "Why did you come to see me today?"

The pony blinked. "I didn't come to see you! I came to see if Jan and Piggy wanted to double date with me and Nightwing!"

Jan and Piggy looked at Dr, Bob. They looked at each other. They looked at the pony. "WHAAAT?"

"B-b-but, it wouldn't..." Jan sputtered.

"I mean... you're a horse, for crying out loud!" This from Piggy.

The pony shrugged. "I can fix that." Instantly the pony vanished. In its place was a large green pig. "Better?"

"Unbelievable," Piggy gasped.

"And if that's not good enough..." All at once, a large green frog occupied the spot where the pig had been. "And if you kiss me... I just might turn into a prince!"

Piggy thought it over. "You know... you are kind of cute. Oh, what the heck? Pucker up, pal! _Mwah_!"

Beast Boy leaped down from the bed and took a bow to tumultuous applause. He turned to Piggy and Jan. "So, you babes about ready to blow this joint?" he asked, draping an arm around Piggy.

Jan took his other arm. "Like outtasight, green man. Lead the way."

"Bye bye, Doctor. See you _demain_!"

"Hey..." Dr. Bob protested. "Wait a minute. What..."

_Tune in next time on Veterinarian's Hospital, when you'll hear Dr. Bob say..._

"How does a laidback guy like me keep losing all his patients?"


	6. Muppet News Flash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the news...

"This is a Muppet News Flash! Today, the Heineken Book of World Records welcomed the following inductees: Effie Vescent, for creating the largest stacked soap-bubble chain-"

A stream of soap bubbles flows past the Newsman's face. From offstage right, a little girl's voice calls "Ooops! Sorry!"

"...Hank Ten, for crafting, at thirty feet, five inches, the world's largest surfboard-"

There is a loud crash, as a giant surfboard topples over from stage left, crashes onto the Newsman's desk, and reduces it to splinters.

"And, in just one moment, we'll be going live to our very own Link Hogthrob and Julius Strangepork, who have just broken the record for world's fastest 500-meter piggyback sprint at-"

From somewhere overhead, we hear a German-accented voice ask, "Link! Are you sure ve're still on course? I don't think ve should be up this high!"

A mellow authoritarian voice pants, "Quiet" (puff!) Strangepork! I know (puff!) where precisely (puff! puff!) where I'm going!"

The Newsman raises his eyes to the ceiling as Strangepork exclaims, "Link! Careful! I sink your shoelace is untied..."

"What? Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Next moment, Hogthrob, plummets from the ceiling, with Strangepork clinging to his back for dear life. Both land heavily on the Newscaster and fall through the studio floor.

Curtain comes down on the destroyed Newsroom.

* * *

Statler: Did we just see those two pigs fly?

Waldorf: Are you enjoying any of tonight's acts?

Statler: No...

Waldorf: Then, we haven't seen pigs fly!

Both: (laugh)


	7. Backstage Interlude II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a gaping hole in the Muppet Theater stage! But the show must go on... Somehow!

Kermit was waiting backstage when the dusty and disheveled Newsman crawled out of the basement, supported by an equally-disheveled Hogthrob and Strangepork.

"Great sketch, people, great sketch." He motioned to the stringy-haired janitor. "Okay, Beauregard, better fix the floor before the next number-"

He moved out of the way of a stagehand, who was holding a dustpan flat out before him, piled high with pieces of splintered wood.

Beauregard snapped to. "Yes, sir!" He darted on stage. A moment later, he returned. "Kermit, it's going to be a big job. Can I maybe do it after the show?"

"What?" Kermit asked. "No, Beau, there's a huge hole in the middle of the stage. We have to fix it!"

"Maybe... maybe we could just put a really big carpet over it?"

"WOULD YOU FIX THE FLOOR, BEAU? NOW!"

He turned to Scooter. "Who's our next act?"

Scooter checked his clip-board. "Um... Bruno and the Trashmen doing "Working on the Chain Gang."

Kermit perked up. "Scooter! That is fantastic. Listen, here's what we're going to do...get them set up on stage right behind the main curtain. Then you're going to rig a..." he whispered something in Scooter's ear.

Scooter took notes on his clipboard. "Wow! That's brilliant, boss! I'm on it!"

"Um, Kermit?"

Kermit looked up. "Oh. Hi... Cyborg. Is everything okay with your dressing room? Did you run out of silver polish?"

Cyborg smiled. "No, everything's fine. I was just wondering if you need a hand with the stage?"

"You mean a stagehand? We've got six of 'em tonight."

"How about a carpenter? That looks like a pretty big hole at center stage."

"But you're one of our guest stars," Kermit protested. "I can't have you-"

"Helping?" Cyborg smiled. "Kermit, you booked the Teen Titans for tonight's show. Sure, we're singing and dancing, but we're professional _helpers_. And I have no problem helping Bearegard fix that stage."

Kermit started to smile. "Just watch your fingers. Beau is pretty good with a hammer and nails, but sometimes, he... misses."

"Oh, don't worry about that," Cyborg replied holding up one metal-coated hand. "I got protection."


	8. Chain Gang/16 Tons Medley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bruno and the Trashmen keep the audience entertained, Cyborg and Beau have a job to do...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: "Chain Gang" written by Sam and Charles Cooke. Recorded by Sam Cooke on July 26, 1960 (RCA). The authorship of "Sixteen Tons" has been ascribed to both Merle Travis and George S. Davis. First recorded by Merle Travis in 1946.
> 
> Medley arrangement from Forever Plaid soundtrack (RCA, 1990)

Kermit comes out to the stage apron. "Thank you, thank you! Our next musical guests come to us after a successful gig on _Sesame Street._ Please welcome... BRUNO AND THE TRASHMENNNNN!

There is applause as the curtain rises on a group of Muppets standing in a row. Next to each performer is a metal trashcan. During the number, the singers strike the trashcans with batons to provide the percussion.

Several inches behind the band is a second lowered curtain.

**Chain Gang-Sixteen Tons Medley**

_(*ping*)_

_I hear somethin' sayin'_

_(*ping*! aah!) (*ping*! aah!)  
(*ping*! aah!) (*ping*! aah!)_

_Well, don't you know_

_That's the sound of the men working on the chain ga-a-ang  
That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang_

_All day long they're singin'..._

Behind the second curtain, Cyborg and Beau are crouching down working on repairing the hole in the floor. They bring their hammers down in perfect synchronization with impact of the band's batons on the trashcans.

( _*bang*! aah!_ ) ( _*bang*...)_

"Aah!" Beauregard yelps and rubs his hand.

"Sorry, Beau!" Cyborg whispers. "You okay?"

Beauregard nodded. "I'm fine." His next swing comes down on Cyborg's metal circuitry. Cyborg doesn't flinch.

_(*ping*! aah!) (*ping*! aah!)_

Before the curtain, the band keeps going.

_(Well, don't you know)_  
That's the sound of the men working on the chain ga-a-ang  
That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang

_All day long they work so hard_  
Till the sun is goin' down  
Working on the highways and byways  
And wearing, wearing a frown  
You hear them moanin' their lives away  
Then you hear somebody sa-ay

All at once, a deep voice emanates from behind the curtain.

_Some people say a man is made outta mud_  
A poor man's made outta muscle and blood  
Muscle and blood and skin and bones  
A mind that's weak and a back that's strong

The curtain parts slightly allowing Cyborg to walk forward. He continues to sing:

_You load sixteen tons, what do you get?_  
Another day older and deeper in debt  
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go  
I owe my soul to the company store

_I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine_  
I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine  
I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal  
And the straw boss said "Well, bless my soul"

_You load sixteen tons, what do you get?_  
Another day older and deeper in debt  
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go  
I owe my soul to the company store

Bruno and The Trashmen wait for the right moment. Then they raise their batons once more:

_(*ping*! aah!) (*ping*! aah!)  
(*ping*! aah!) (*ping*! aah!)_

_Well, don't you know_

_That's the sound of the men working on the chain ga-a-ang  
That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang_

_All day long they're singin', mm_  
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my work is so hard  
Give me water, I'm thirsty  
My work is so hard

Cyborg takes the lead line:

_If you see me comin', better step aside_  
A lotta men didn't and a lotta men died  
One fist of iron, the other of steel  
If the right one don't get you then the left one will 

_You load sixteen tons, what do you get?_  
Another day older and deeper in debt  
Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go...  
I owe my so-oul- 

_To the company store_

_(*ping*)_

CURTAIN


	9. Backstage Interlude III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robin the Frog has a polite request.

"Um... Raven?"

Raven glanced down at the tiny green frog. "Your name is Robin, isn't it?" she asked gently. "Kermit is your uncle?"

Robin nodded. "Uh-huh."

He was small, even for a Muppet. Raven gracefully sat down on one of the backstage stools, so as not to tower over him quite so much. Robin clambered up on a nearby crate. "Well, Robin, how can I help you?"

The little frog hesitated.

"Did Kermit give you a message for me?"

"N-not exactly." He looked away. "It's about your act."

Raven nodded gravely. "I did suspect that reciting poetry would be too highbr..." She stopped. "Forgive me. I don't mean to offend. But compared to song and dance, poetry recitation is a bit... dull." She forced herself to smile. "Has my act been cut?"

"No!" Robin exclaimed. "Uncle Kermit wouldn't do that! It's worse."

"Worse?" Raven asked with a faint note of surprise. "How... worse?"

Robin slumped until his chin nearly drooped to his lap. "My teacher is in the audience tonight. She saw your act on the playbill and she," he gulped, "she wants me to do a report on your poem for English class." He peered up at her. "Could you please do one that isn't boring?"

Raven raised an eyebrow. "What would you consider interesting?"

The little frog perked up. "How about a ghost story?"

Something very like a smile played about the young Titan's lips. "I think I can manage that." She thought for a moment. "Fozzie expressed an interest earlier in helping me with the performance. Could you find him?"

At that moment, Sam, the Bald Eagle strutted up. "Ah, Miss Raven, Miss Raven," he nearly cooed. "Might I congratulate you in finally injecting a bit of culture into this sorry collection of low comedy? I have no doubt that after your performance, the theater doors will open wide to ballets, operas..." his voice dropped to a reverent whisper, "book reviews!"

Raven inclined her head politely. "Thank you Sam, but..." out of the corner of her eye, she saw Scooter hurrying past. "Excuse me one moment," she apologized.

"Scooter. For my act, I'll require a skeleton with a removable cranium and a suit of glowing armor that will fit him. Is this possible?"

Scooter didn't even blink. "Oh, sure." Without pausing a beat, he walked over to the basement stairs. "Hey, Yorick! Get ready, you're on in five minutes!"


	10. The Barber Of Ripon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ghost story in verse...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Barber of Ripon" is a literary ballad by W. Harrison Ainsworth.

Kermit comes out on stage. "Thank you, thank you! Now for our next act, Raven of the Teen Titans will recite poetry."

There is a moment of stunned silence, followed by a smattering of polite applause.

Kermit winces. His face seems to crumple. "Ladies and gentlemen," he says with forced good cheer, "Raven."

The curtain opens on a deserted graveyard, adjacent to a church. Near the graves is a low building which might be a non-descript mausoleum or a charnel house. It is night-time, and there is a full moon in the sky.

Spooky music plays softly in the background.

Raven is perched on a large gravestone. Her face is shadowed by her hood. She looks up, pushes the hood back, and focuses on the audience.

_"The Barber of Ripon and the Ghostly Basin,"_ she proclaims. _"A Tale of the Charnel House_ , by W. Harrison Ainsworth."

She smiles broadly, which has a startling effect on her normally-severe features. It is a smile far less friendly than predatory. She leans slightly forward, looks directly at Robin's seat in the front row and speaks in a conversational tone:

_"Since Ghost-Stories you want, there is one I can tell_

_Of a wonderful thing that Bat Pigeon befell..."_

"Um... Excuse me, Raven?" Fozzie walks up to her, looking a bit confused. "You know, I'm not a bat or a pigeon, right? I'm a bear. It's like, part of my name... Fozzie Bear?"

Raven inclines her head. "Very well. With apologies to Mr. Ainsworth..." She begins again.

_"Since Ghost-Stories you want, there is one I can tell_

_Of a wonderful thing that_ _**Bear** _ _Pigeon befell:"_

"Ahhhhhh!" Fozzie beams. "Much better." Then he adds under his breath, "Even if I'm still not a pigeon."

Raven looks at him. "May I continue?"

Fozzie grins. "Sorry."

Raven takes a deep breath.

_"A Barber, at Ripon, in Yorkshire was he,_

_And as keen in his craft as his best blade could be."_

Fozzie has moved upstage to the right of the apron, where, next to a low counter, a barber chair has been set up, its back to the audience. The counter is covered in brushes, scissors, razors, and other barbering supplies. Fozzie goes through the motions of shaving an unseen customer.

Raven continues to recite.

_"Now Bear had a fancy,-a strange one, you'll own,-_

_Instead of a brass bowl-"_

Fozzie suddenly stands very straight and looks out at the audience.

_"To have one of bone:"_

Fozzie snaps his fingers and trots briskly in the direction of the low building.

_"To the Charnel-house 'neath the old Minster he'd been,_

_And there, 'mongst the relics, a treasure had seen._

The charnel-house rotates 180 degrees, and we see the interior: three stone walls, and a floor carpeted with skeletons.

_"'Mid the pile of dry bones that encumber'd the ground_

_One pumpkin-like skull with a mazard he found:"_

Fozzie holds a skull aloft, his expression rapt.

_"If home that enormous old sconce he could take..."_

Fozzie snaps his fingers and excitedly exclaims, " _What a capital basin for shaving 'twould make!"_

He runs back to his chair, skull under his arm.

_"Well!"_ Raven continues, _"he got it, at last, from the Sexton, his friend,_

_Little dreaming how queerly the business would end:"_

Fozzie has the skull on his counter top. He picks up a saw and, his back to the audience, bends over the cranium.

_"Next, he saw'd off the cranium close to the eyes;_

_And behold then! A basin capacious in size."_

Fozzie turns to the audience, holding, in one hand, the bowl that was formerly the top of the skull. "Ahaaaa!" he exclaims in triumph. Meanwhile, several customers have come quietly into the shop. They are all dressed as clowns.

Raven continues:

_"As the big bowl is balanced 'twixt finger and thumb,_

_Bear's customers all with amazement are dumb;_

_At the strange yellow object they blink and they stare,_

_But what it can be not a soul is aware."_

Fozzie crosses to the left stage apron, where a curtained, canopy bed, table, chair, and dressing screen have been set up. He sets the skull on the table, steps behind the screen and emerges in a nightshirt and cap, yawning. He walks right past a grinning skeleton sitting on the chair. The top of the skeleton's skull had been hacked off just over the eyes.

_"Bear Pigeon, as usual to rest went that night:"_

Fozzie gets under the covers and pulls the curtains closed. Then, we hear...

"Wait a minute!" His eyes and nose peep through the curtains. When he sees the skull, he utters a strangled whimper and pulls his head back in.

At that, the skeleton rises and, as Raven continues to recite, walks to the bed and tweaks the curtains.

_"But he soon started up in a terrible fright:_

_Lo! Giving the curtains and bedclothes a pull,_

_A Ghost he beheld-_ _**wanting half of its skull** _ _!"_

"M-m-mommy..." Fozzie moans.

The skeleton points an accusing finger at the cringing bear. He does not speak, but Raven continues to declaim his lines.

_"'Unmannerly barber!' the Spectre exclaimed:_

_'To desecrate bonehouses art not ashamed?_

_Thy crown into shivers, base varlet, I'll crack,_

_Unless, on the instant, my own I get back!'"_

Fozzie sits up and points, with a shaking finger, toward the bowl.

_"There it lies on the table!"_ He chatters.

Raven smiles and completes the line:

_"...Bear quakingly said:"_

The skeleton, in great excitement rushes to pick up the bowl. Fozzie raises a tentative hand. "Um... excuse me... sir?"

The skeleton turns back to face him. Fozzie gulps, but queries, _"Sure a skull cannot matter when once one is dead..."_

The skeleton strides forward in a rage. Fozzie dives back down under the blankets with another whimper.

The skeleton proclaims:

_"Such a skull as thine may not, thou addlepate fool!_

_But a shaver of clowns for a Knight is no rule!"_

Raven smiles and picks up where the skeleton left off.

_"With this, the wroth Spectre its brainpan clapp'd on,"_

The skeleton obeys the instruction, scoops and exits stage right. On his way, he grabs something from the barbershop counter, all as Raven recites:

_"And holding it fast, in a twinkling was gone;_

_But ere through the keyhole the Phantom could rush,_

_Bear perceived it had taken the soap and the brush."_

An elderly Muppet sexton enters the charnel-house, and freezes in astonishment at what he sees.

_"When the Sexton next morn went the Charnel-house round,_

_The great yellow skull in its old place he found:_

_And 'twixt its lank jaws, while they grinningly ope,"_

The sexton swivels the skeleton around so that we can all see...

_"As in mockery stuck, are the Brush and the Soap!"_

The curtain falls to tumultuous applause.


	11. Pigs In Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew of the Swinetrek faces yet another catastrophe!

 

_And now... PIIIIIIIIGS IIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!_

_When we last left the_ Swinetrek _, the ship was approaching a black hole..._

"Captain!" Dr. Julius Strangepork cried out, "In two minutes ve vill have crossed ze event horizon! There vill be no turning back!"

"Calm yourself, Doctor," Link Hogthrob drawled. "Why would we want to go back? The Swinetrek always goes forward... like a big... glowing... light."

"But ve're about to be shucked into a black hole!"

"Like a big... glowing... light," Link repeated raptly.

The bridge doors opened to admit First Mate Piggy. Strangepork turned to her, his eyes wide with a desperate hope. "Oh, First Mate Piggy! Sank goodness you are here! Maybe YOU can make our captain see sense!"

Piggy tilted her head in confusion. "I can't even make him see that we've been flying around in circles for the last five seasons," she said with an exasperated growl. "What do you want from me? A miracle?"

"Look at the screen!" Strangepork pointed. "Ve must turn zis ship around, right pronto, or..."

Piggy's eyes widened. "Move it, Hogthrob!" she ordered.

"Now, wait just a minute, First Mate Piggy," Hogthrob seemed to snap out of his trance. "I'm still the captain and I give the orders around here."

Piggy's eyes blazed. "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-"

"Piggy! Turn this ship around. That's an order!"

Piggy flashed him a demurely triumphant smile. "Right away, captain."

As she reached for the navigation controls, the ship suddenly gave a lurch and began to vibrate.

"Oh no!" Strangepork shrieked. "Ve must be past the event horizon! It's too late! Ve are doomed!"

"Not yet we aren't!" Piggy shot back. "Fire flashlight beams into that thing!"

"Flashlight?" Strangepork asked. "B-but a black hole is so dense zat not even light can escape it!"

"Who said anything about letting it escape? Fire the beams!"

All at once, the shaking stopped. Disbelieving, Strangepork tottered over to the viewer. A moment later he looked up. "Unbelievable! The black hole has taken in so much of our flashlight beams that it's been transformed into a _light_ hole!"

"Oh my," Link said, chewing nervously on one of his front hooves. "A light hole? Aren't those things dangerous, Doctor Strangepork?"

"Vat? No, no they're perfectly harmless. Ve're safe!"

Hogthrob straightened up and puffed out his chest. "Yes, once again, I, Captain Link Hogthrob, have saved the day for the crew of the _Swinetrek_."

Piggy turned slowly away from the controls. "Forgive me, Captain," she said with ominous calm. "Did I hear you say that _you_ saved the ship?"

"Naturally, First Mate Piggy. I knew that the only way we could POSSibly escape from the denseness of the black hole was to order you to steer the ship."

"I don't think we managed to escape from all of the denseness," Piggy shot back.

"Captain!" Strangepork called. "You know that big red light on the navigational computer? The one that only starts blinking if ve are facing grave danger?"

"Yes, Doctor?" Link drawled. "What about it?"

Strangepork's voice lowered to just above a whisper. "It's bleeeeen-keeeeng..."

The crew of the _Swinetrek_ exchanged horrified looks.

_Tune in next time for another episode of PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS... INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN... SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!_


	12. Alone in the Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fourth Musical Number. Gonzo and Starfire have a duet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: The song "Alone in the Universe" was written by Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty. From the original cast recording of Seussical the Musical (Decca Broadway, 2001).

Waldorf: Gee, I wonder why the Teen Titans wanted to do this show in the first place?

Statler: They didn't. They're heroically sacrificing themselves to save all the other guest stars!

Both: (Laughter)

* * *

**Alone in the Universe**

Kermit comes out in front of the curtain. "Thank you, thank you! For our next musical number, Starfire joins our very own Gonzo... alone in the universe."

Applause. The curtain rises on a field at night. The sky is filled with stars. A crescent moon is overhead. Gonzo is sitting on a rock downstage left, holding a leafy twig and examining it closely. He looks out at the audience, then back at the twig, and sings:

_There are secrets on a leaf,_

_In the water, in the air,_

_Hidden planets, tiny worlds,_

_All invisible!_

_Not a person seems to know._

_Not a person seems to care._

_There is no one who believes a thing I say..._

Gonzo sets the twig gently down next to him on the rock, gives a half-shrug, and continues:

_Well, I'm fairly certain_

_At one time or other,_

_Great thinkers all feel this way!_

He rises and walks toward the edge of the stage, approaching the audience. Behind him, the rock recedes, the sky backdrop extends lower, and the stars slowly drift.

_I'm alone in the universe._

_So alone in the universe._

_I've found magic but they don't see it._

_They all call me a lunatic._

_Ok, call me a lunatic._

_If I stand on my own, so be it._

_'Cause I have wings._

_Yes, I can fly_

_Around the moon_

_And far beyond the sky_

_And one day soon_

_I know there you'll be_

_One small voice in the universe_

_One true friend in the universe_

_Who believes in me..._

Starfire enters from upstage right, flying slowly and singing:

_I'm alone in the universe._

_So alone in the universe._

_My own planets and stars are glowing._

_No one notices anything._

_Not one person is listening._

_They don't have any way of knowing_

Gonzo interjects:

_Nobody knows that I have wings_

Starfire follows:

_I have wings. Yes I can fly_

Gonzo repeats:

_I can fly_

Both together:

_Around the moon and far beyond the sky_

_Well, someday soon_

_You will hear my plea_

Gonzo:

_One small voice in the universe_

Starfire:

(Lands and stands upstage left, her back to Gonzo. She is turned slightly toward the audience.)

_One true friend in the universe_

Both:

_Please believe in me..._

Gonzo sees Starfire, and calls to her: "Hello? H-hello?"

Starfire turns, startled. "Hello?"

Gonzo's jaw drops. "Wow. Who... are you?"

"I'm Starfire. From Tameran?"

"I'm Gonzo. From... somewhere."

Starfire frowns. "Are you real? Or are you a rather strange think?"

If Gonzo is surprised at the question, it doesn't show. "Oh, I'm real, all right. I would state that in ink."

Starfire nods and takes a hesitant step towards him. "In my thinks," she says slowly, "I imagine a lot of strange things. And I go to strange places, as if I had wings! I love a good think!"

Gonzo nods. "Well, for me that goes double."

Starfire starts to smile. Then her shoulders slump, and she says sadly, "Sometimes my thinks are what get me in trouble."

Gonzo nods again. He turns away. Then, slowly, hesitantly, he looks back and asks cautiously, "When you think, do you dream?"

Starfire blinks. Then, with mounting excitement, she exclaims, "In bright colors!"

Gonzo takes a few steps closer. "Oh! Me too! And... and I go to strange places like Solla Sollew!"

Starfire crosses quickly to close the gap between them. They meet at center stage.

"When you think," she asks, "do you think you could fly to the stars?"

"Oh, my friend," Gonzo exclaims, "No one else could have thinks such as ours!"

Stars swirl around them. Starry shapes light up the stage floor, so that it appears that they are standing in space. A wind ruffles hair, feather, and clothing as they sing:

_Yes, I have wings._

_(I have wings)_

_And I can fly_

_(I can fly...)_

_Around the moon_

_And far beyond the sky..._

_You called my name_

_And you set me free..._

Gonzo sings:

_One small voice in the universe_

Starfire replies:

_One true friend in the universe_

They take each others hands, hold for a moment, and then, slowly part, each backing toward the opposite side of the stage as they both conclude:

_Who believes in me._

The stage goes dark and the curtain descends.


	13. Backstage Interlude IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piggy starts to realize what performing with Nightwing entails!

Kermit was waiting in the wings. "Great job, great job."

Piggy tapped him on the shoulder. "Kermie... have you seen Nightwing anywhere?"

Nightwing vaulted from the second-floor railing, turning a double somersault. He landed in a handstand, and immediately flipped upright. "Someone call me?" He smiled at Piggy. "I like the outfit," he said, trying hard not to laugh. Piggy had managed to secure a costume that bore a strong resemblance to his own. It had a dark-blue bodice and full skirt. There was a robin's egg blue V-insignia on the chest. The fabric above it was yellow with a black-mesh pattern and ended in a high, V-neck collar. Yellow glider wings ran between sleeves and bodice.

"Oh... this old thing?" Piggy fluttered her eyelashes. "I just threw it together a few minutes ago."

Nightwing's grin broadened. "You were looking for me?"

"Oh, yes. I was just wondering what we will be doing on the trap-eze."

"Ah. Well, I thought we'd start off with a few basic moves that work without a catcher-a couple of salutes and half-turns..."

"Oh, yes!"

"...A few pirouettes..."

"Uh-huh, yes..."

"Then a reverse suicide..."

Piggy stopped nodding. "S-suicide?"

"After that, we move on to some of the more advanced stuff, like full twisting doubles, double cutaways with half-twists and triple twisting doubles." He placed both hands on her shoulders. "I can't wait!" he exclaimed.

"Nightwing?" Scooter ran past. "Five minutes!"

"Okay, thanks!" Nightwing called over his shoulder. "Sorry, Piggy. Just going to do my musical number and then I'll see you for our finale. Later!"

"Umm... hmmhmmhmm... yes... our finale, later." Piggy said feebly. "Or at least, mine!"


	14. One Jump Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifth Musical Number. Nightwing's turn to shine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: "One Jump Ahead" lyrics by Tim Rice. Recorded by Brad Kane on the Aladdin soundtrack (Walt Disney, 1992).

"Thank you, thank you!" Kermit enthused, waving his arms wildly. "We've got just a little bit more left to go, until we're done."

"Don't hold up on our-" Waldorf's voice cut out abruptly as an arrow flew through the part in the curtain, and pierced the top of the private box. A transparent shield lowered, completely cutting off the elderly curmudgeon's words.

Arsenal burst through the part and grinned. "Cone of Silence arrow. Works every time." He held out his hand.

Kermit shook it. "Well, thank you." He turned back to the audience. "Well, we've got a couple more acts to go, so, moving right along... Nightwing!"

**One Jump Ahead**

Applause. The curtain opens on a high stone wall. There are ledges at various heights as well as stone steps. Onstage, below the wall, several Muppets in medieval village garb mill about. There is another wall against the scenery backdrop. This one has protrusions jutting out some eight or ten feet higher than the top of the first wall. A grappling hook fires from upstage right, snagging one of the projections as the music starts and Nightwing swings onstage, holding fast to the other end of the grappling line. He flips to the top of the wall and sings:

_Gotta keep_  
One jump ahead of the breadline  
One swing ahead of the sword  
I steal only what I can't afford  
( That's Everything! )

Link and Rowlf dressed in Keystone Kops uniforms, come out on the wall. Nightwing sees them, retracts the grapnel, and cartwheels along the wall to the opposite side of the stage while continuing to sing:

_One jump ahead of the lawmen_  
That's all, and that's no joke  
These guys don't appreciate I'm broke  
  
He fires the grapnel again, catches another projection and sails over the heads of the police as the Muppets sing:

_Riffraff! Street rat! Scoundrel! Take that!_

Someone throws an apple at him. Nightwing catches it and takes a bite.

_Just a little snack, guys_

The Muppets respond:

_Rip him open, take it back, guys_

Nightwing leaps to one of the ledges below the wall and vaults to the far edge.

_I can take a hint, gotta face the facts_

He points to one of the Muppets.

_You're my only friend, Abu!_

The Muppet flinches and tries to run as the others gather around him. He lets out a yelp:

_Who?_

As the music blares, Nightwing executes a series of leaps, flips, and twists, ending up with a half-twist landing on the top of the wall. Still holding the apple, he sings:

_Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Tell you all about it when I got the time!_

The police, now on the ground, point to him and start climbing up. Nightwing grins and jumps down, executing a quadruple somersault on the way. Once on the ground he dances through the crowd as they try uselessly to stop him.

_One jump ahead of the slowpokes_  
One skip ahead of my doom  
Next time gonna use a nom de plume  
One jump ahead of the hitmen  
One hit ahead of the flock  
I think I'll take a stroll around the block

Muppets:

_Stop, thief! Vandal! Outrage! Scandal!_

Nightwing:

_Let's not be too hasty_

_  
_(Leaps and lands in Sweetums' arms.)

Sweetums:

_Still I think he's rather tasty_

Nightwing (looks nervous):

_Gotta eat to live, gotta steal to eat  
Otherwise we'd get along_

Muppets:

_Wrong!_

Nightwing fires his grapnel again, and snags the center projection. He swings up, landing on top of the projection this time, instead of on the wall.

He sings:

_One jump ahead of the hoofbeats_

The police are on top of the main wall, looking up at him. They shake their fists and call out:

_Vandal!_

Nightwing flips to a handstand:

_One hop ahead of the hump_

Crowd:

_Street rat!_

Nightwing drops to hang from the projection. Then, as if on a high bar, he performs several hip circles:

_One trick ahead of disaster_

Crowd:

_Scoundrel!_

The he extends his body and swings out into a giant, as he circles the projection

_They're quick, but I'm much faster_

Crowd (throwing more fruits, which fall short of their target):

_Take that!_

Nightwing takes out his grapnel one more time and aims:

_Here goes, better throw my hand in  
Wish me happy landin'_

(Fires and catches one of the light fixtures over the audience)

_All I gotta do is jump!_

Nightwing sails off the stage to land in the center aisle and exits through the house. The curtain comes down. It rises a moment later with Nightwing in the center flanked by Rolf and Link with the other Muppets lined up behind them.

The curtain comes down again to sustained applause.


	15. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightwing's Trapeze Artistry... assisted by one terrified Piggy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: "Anything Can Happen" written by Richard M. Sherman, Robert B Sherman, and George Stiles. From the London Cast recording of Mary Poppins (Walt Disney, 2005).

**Finale**

Kermit waits for the applause to die down. "Thank you! It's a great show tonight. Now I know you've been eagerly awaiting this, so without further ado, we give you... the aerial stylings of... Nightwing and Piggy!

The curtain rises. The trapeze is downstage, stretching from right to left. There is a gold curtain behind it. Miss Piggy is standing on the right platform, nearly frozen with terror.

Nightwing is on the left. He swings to the center of the trapeze and hangs upside down. "Okay, Piggy... ready?"

Piggy doesn't look at him. "What?"

"Ready? Or as we ask in the circus, _listo_?"

Piggy blinks. "Oh, is that the lingo? Um... that's...ha-ha, very interesting. Kind of like the view from up here. So... interesting. So... far to the ground. Um... are you sure that net's secure?"

Nightwing frowns. "Don't move. I'm coming over." He drops from the swing, and performs a double somersault with a full twist on his way down to the net. There is boisterous applause as he lands solidly. He flips out of the net and climbs the ladder to Piggy.

"Hey," he asks. "You okay?"

Piggy smiles forcedly. "Um... sure, Nightwing. Everything is just fine and..." she wraps her arms around his legs and starts to cry. "I can't do this! I'm not an acrobat—I'm a pig, for crying out loud! What made me think I could go out on that... thing?" she gestures blindly to the trapeze. "Me? An acrobat? It'll never happen?"

Nightwing bends down and clasps her shoulder as the music starts. "Piggy," he replies affectionately:

_Anything can happen if you let it._

_Sometimes things are difficult, but you can bet it_

_Doesn't have to be so._

_Changes can be made._

_You can move a mountain if you use a larger spade._

As Nightwing continues singing, the rest of the Teen Titans come out on stage.

_Anything can happen, it's a marvel._

A green butterfly alights on his hand, just before Piggy's eyes.

_You can be a butterfly..._

The butterfly morphs into a green caterpillar and sings:

_Or just stay larval._

Starfire chimes in: _Stretch your mind beyond fantastic_

While she sings, the caterpillar drops to the platform and changes into Beast Boy, who sits on the edge of the platform and takes the next line:

_Dreams are made of strong elastic._

Beast Boy and Starfire:

_Take some sound advice and don't forget it:_

Nightwing:

_Anything can happen if you let it._

Piggy looks out at the trapeze. "I wonder..." she says.

Troia flies up, as Nightwing, Starfire and Beast Boy start the next verse:

_Anything can happen if you let it._

Troia:

_You won't know a challenge until you've met it._

Arsenal runs from stage left to the mike at center stage:

_No one does it for you._

Starfire:

_No one but yourself_

Troia:

_Vacillating violets get left upon the shelf_

All:

_Anything can happen, just imagine_

Cyborg strides from stage right to join Arsenal at the mike:

_That should be my epitaph_

_I wear the badge in_

_Honor of the world's free thinkers_

Nightwing:

_Those who see beyond their blinkers._

_Jelly isn't jelly_

_'Til you set it._

All:

_Anything can happen if you let it._

The next verse is Raven's to start, but she hesitates. Her musical cue passes untaken. "Wait," she says. "Stop the music, please?"

The band stops. Raven drifts down to the stage floor. "I apologize," she says, "but I'm not sure I'm able to sing this as a solo." She walks to the very edge of the stage apron. A ramp extends over the orchestra pit at her approach. She walks halfway down, bends, and stretches out a hand toward the audience, directly in front of the small green frog in the middle of the first row. "Robin?" she asks. "Will you join us on stage? Please?"

The little frog's jaw drops. "Sh-sure!" he exclaims, leaping up to take Raven's hand. Raven leads him onstage and nods to the orchestra. The music starts again.

Robin:

_Anything can happen if you let it._

_What good is a whistle..._

Raven:

_Unless you whet it_ :

Both:

_Broaden your horizons_

_Open different doors\_

All:

_You may find a you there that you never knew was yours_

Kermit:

_Anything can happen-_

_Raise the curtain!_

The curtain behind the trapeze lifts to reveal the Muppets Ensemble.

Muppets and Teen Titans:

_Things you thought impossible_

_Will soon seem certain_

Meanwhile, Nightwing is helping Piggy onto her swing.

Nightwing:

_Though at first it may sound clownish_

_See the world more upside-downish..._

"Listo, Signor Zucchini?"

One of the Flying Zucchini Brothers emerges on the stage left platform. He flies out to center and hangs upside down from the swing.

Signor Zucchini cheerfully calls back, "Hep, Signor Nightwing!"

Nightwing grins. "Okay, Piggy... now!"

_Turn it on its head then pirouette it..._

Piggy swings out to center, her arms extended. Signor Zucchini catches her, and then swings her toward the left platform. Piggy turns a nearly-perfect somersault as she catches the left swing and steps gingerly onto the platform. "I did it!" she exclaims.

All:

_Anything can happen if you let it!_

Nightwing:

_If you reach for the stars, all you get are the stars_

_But we've found a whole new spin_

_If you reach for the heavens_

_You get the stars thrown in!_

All:

_You get the stars thrown in..._

As the music continues, Nightwing, and Signor Zucchini perform a number of aerial stunts. Piggy swings out one more time, and manages a straight jump between Signor Zucchini and Nightwing.

All:

_If you reach for the stars, all you get are the stars_

_But we've found a whole new spin_

_If you reach for the heavens_

_You get the stars thrown in_

_Anything can happen if you let it_

_Life is out there waiting, so go and get it_

_Grab it by the collar_

_Seize it by the scruff_

_Once you've started living life, you just can't get enough_

Piggy executes a double somersault into the net.

Nightwing follows with a quadruple, claps her on the back, grins, and sings:

_Anything can happen it's official_

Muppets:

_You can choose the super or the superficial_

Teen Titans:

_Sally forth the way we're steering_

_Obstacles start disappearing_

All:

_Go and chase your dreams-you won't regret it!_

Muppets:

_Anything can happen..._

Teen Titans:

_Anything can happen..._

Nightwing and Piggy:

_Anything can happen..._

All:

_If you let it!_

CURTAIN


	16. Closing Remarks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all! You've been a great audience...

The applause is still going strong when Kermit comes out onstage. "Thank you, thank you! Wow! We've had a really fantastic show tonight, and it's almost time to leave, BUT before we go, let us have another warm round of applause for our wonderful guest stars, the TERRIFIC TEEN TITANS!"

The audience needs no prompting to comply, as the Titans come on stage.

"Thanks, Kermit," Nightwing says. "We've had a great time, tonight." He looks over his shoulder. "Right, gang?"

The others nod.

"I actually wouldn't mind doing a second show," Arsenal says. "See, when I'm not hanging out with these guys, I play with a rock band. We could use a bit more exposure."

"Wow." Kermit says. "You Teen Titans are just full of surprises."

"What?" Roy said. "Because I play rock?"

"No!" Waldorf shouts from the balcony. "Because you want to do another show!"

Kermit ignores him. "Well, that's wonderful. I think we're pretty solidly booked for the next few months, but I'll see what we can do. Um... what's the name of your band, Arsenal?"

Arsenal grins. "Great Frog."

Kermit's eyes seem to rise—or maybe it's his jaw that drops. "How about next week?"

The audience applauds.

Scooter comes forward. "But next week we have-"

Kermit brushes him off. "Bump 'em."

"But..."

Kermit repeats himself. "Bump 'em." He turns to the audience. "And we'll see you all next time on The Muppet Show!

The orchestra starts up as the closing credits roll. When the camera finds Statler and Waldorf, it is clear that somewhere in the last few seconds, Roy has sent a second cone-of-silence arrow their way, as the two are gesticulating wildly but no sound escapes the plastic dome surrounding them.

The closing theme ends.

The house lights come on.

And another show is over.


End file.
